400 days of change
"It is not in the nature of man, or any living being, to start with resignation, self-condemnation, and condemnation of life. It requires a process of demoralization, the pace of which varies for each individual. Some give in at the first pressure, others sell themselves, others burn out slowly, not even knowing when and how it happens. Then they all disappear in a great swamp populated by their ancestors, who tirelessly repeat to them that maturity consists of abandoning their own mind, security of abandoning values, and practicality of abandoning dignity. However, some endure, knowing that this fire must not be betrayed, learning to shape it, give it purpose and real dimension. Regardless of the future that awaits them, at the threshold of their lives, people seek a noble vision of human nature and the potential of life." - (Ayn Rand, "The Fountainhead")
"Not deeds, but faith, which is decisive here and determines the order of ranks - to use an old religious formula, giving it a new and deeper meaning - constitutes the fundamental certainty that the noble soul has about itself, something that is not sought, found, and perhaps cannot be lost. The noble soul worships itself" (Friedrich Nietzsche, "Beyond Good and Evil").
Several months have passed since the publication of my last text, and I have been contemplating the next topic I would like to delve into and convey. Since returning from Spain and breaking down this topic into its fundamental elements, I have learned a lot about how the creation of my own thoughts translates into reality. My original plans for the end of 2022, which I envisioned, were quickly verified and a series of different events led to changes in my environment and assumptions for the following months, which fundamentally I am satisfied with, but it did not reflect in my emotional well-being in recent weeks.
As an introduction to this dissertation, there are two powerful quotes for me, taken from one of the books that accompanied me exactly a year ago during my journey through Central America. It was the book "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand, right after "Atlas Shrugged" by the same author. These books turned my thinking and perception of the world upside down. If you are not familiar with this author or her works, I highly recommend them if you are ready to stir up your mind and challenge the foundations upon which you have built your operating system. They are very long books (about 1000 pages each) and require a tremendous amount of focus on their content, but they are worth every second of attention devoted to them.
A year after the end of the journey, I have many reference points and tangible changes that will be the subject of this text. Even at this moment, it is difficult for me to determine whether I am writing more for the people who will read this or for myself, but I feel great not having to answer that internal question. The above quotes directly relate to the human attitude towards oneself, and consequently, to the attitude towards the surrounding reality, which is closely conditioned by our internal world.
I can honestly say that the year 2022 was a year of transformation on every possible level, not only in my life but also in the lives of my loved ones. In the past twelve months, they have accomplished things that would have been completely beyond their reach just a few years ago. Ending toxic relationships, internal healing through a change in mindset, standing in their own truth despite fear and low emotions – all of these things have brought about profound changes for which I am immensely grateful to all the people I had the privilege to witness and be a part of. If you're reading this now, remember that I am tremendously proud of you and salute your inner strength that helped you stand tall.
It has been a year of countless events and extremes. I've lost a few people in my life whom I considered very important, but with full awareness, I had to learn to let go while making space for the new and unknown that awaits just around the corner. But how is it that some people appear in our lives only to lead us to places we wouldn't have reached on our own? How is it that deep and seemingly lasting relationships crumble like a sandcastle? Going beyond the emotions accompanying loss and rejection is incredibly difficult, but without passing through those low states, we cannot gain a broader perspective on the events that have unfolded in our lives. That's exactly the process I've been through in recent months.
Of course, I have an idealized vision of the world in my mind, where everything is wonderful. However, it doesn't always align with reality, and as a result, the state of my inner world also has a wide spectrum of being and experiencing.
Everything around me has gained considerable momentum lately, and I have found myself surprised at times by how swiftly events unfold, revealing how adept I am at shifting from passive mode to reactive mode within a few hours and making irreversible decisions while executing them. I have discovered untapped reserves of energy within myself that are released in extreme events, usually accompanied by a lot of pain, which is then transformed into action.
Until now, over the past few years, I have approached each such situation selectively, without comparing them to other similar events. It was only in recent months that it became clear to me that there is a similar pattern of action and reaction at play, which was quite a shock to my inner self. I did not expect that human actions could be so automated based on old thought patterns created before one attains a greater consciousness of navigating the world.
Therefore, in addition to taking fuller responsibility for the events that have occurred, I allowed myself to go through the entire spectrum of emotions that I didn't necessarily want to feel and which I always managed to shield myself from through a set of consistent behaviors and reactions, just to make things pass that I didn't want to confront. Here, I feel that I have made significant progress in working with my own ego because not only have I changed my reactions to recurring events, but I have also thoroughly analyzed my behaviors from the past years, which have caused pain to those closest to my heart. I admit to myself and to anyone reading this that I have made many mistakes and nourished theories about life that had no reflection in reality, thinking that by understanding certain concepts, I could avoid the events that I created through my behavior.
My attachment to the form of certain situations made me so enamored with the way things were that I forgot the importance of nurturing and caring for relationships because everything seemed so perfect and unchangeable... or so I thought. That's why the learning of letting go and understanding is currently accompanying me during another international professional project I embarked on. As always, everything comes at the right moment, and once again, when I wanted to move somewhere, I received an offer to work on a concert tour with a musical, which I eagerly accepted.
Several people have left my life, for some, the context of relationships has changed, while others simply disappeared without even saying goodbye. I don't have any regrets because it is not my goal to worry about what is no longer there. I am more interested in approaching with excitement what new things may happen or appear on my path again.
Understanding that someone is harming us and we don't want that person in our life, despite deep attachment, is not easy. But it is the only way to heal our inner selves, by standing in our own truth and what is best for us and no longer serves us. The same applies to forgiveness, which I never understood as I do now. To forgive means to let go, despite the multitude of emotions that try to dictate a different course of action. But only by letting go, we release ourselves into the hands of the unknown quantum world, where anything can happen, especially what we deeply desire, although perhaps not in the exact form to which we are emotionally attached. It is strange and difficult to comprehend with a logical mind, but from my own experience, I know it is more than true, and I believe it as a fundamental law.
I do not question whether what has happened recently was right because I deeply feel that it was meant to happen, and I am who I am, surrounding myself with events and people who are meant to fill and co-create this reality. Of course, emotionally, I don't want to let go, and I can fight for what I want, but it is not through fighting or force that we receive what we desire, even though I used to think the opposite. Now, I start smiling at myself, observing my actions towards the people I love deeply, and to whom I have offered a level of understanding that I never suspected. It is these behaviors that elevate me as a human being and fill me with pride that I can transcend emotions and give everyone what they need, even if it results in their departure and the truth we often don't want to face.
Now, I would like to focus on the interpretation of two quotes from the beginning of the text, which directly relate to the search for our own truth in the world and the persistent attempts of the external world to distract us from ourselves. Each of us, from the very first moments on this planet, from the first breath, embarks on an adventure in a realm that humanity has been striving to comprehend for thousands of years, along with the laws that govern it. Our primal fire can either help us reach the heights of our own existence or slowly extinguish under the pressure of the environment, circumstances, and events that convince us that this is how our lives should look and that nothing better can happen to us.
Indeed, up to a certain point in our lives, we are conditioned by what shapes us in the process of creating our personality; school, friends, family, the city or neighborhood in which we grow up, subconsciously program certain character traits and attachment to what has become our reality. However, we have no control over the environment in which we will grow up, and as a result, certain external circumstances and experiences can shape us negatively without our conscious consent and color our personality with a specific framework of perceiving ourselves in the world.
Of course, we can also win the lottery and grow up in ideal circumstances that allow us to rise even higher, where we cannot yet see. But none of the presented options is a guarantee or finality for us. It is only when we begin to consciously navigate through life, recognizing its variables and our dormant inner power waiting only for proper guidance, that we start to create our lives beyond history and the past, regardless of the experiences that have been bestowed upon us.
It is not my goal here to go through the entire spectrum of human histories, as we are well aware that each story is different and individual. Thus, cultivating specific attitudes within ourselves can take on a more universal character regardless of the experiences we have had so far. This is what leads some to completely surrender while others emerge from unfavorable circumstances, manifesting their own desires and thoughts in life. The answer lies in how we perceive ourselves in the world that surrounds us.
We are taught that our lives are conditioned by external circumstances and that we have no real control over our surroundings. We can only passively wait for events to occur so that we can react in an automated and familiar way to our minds. For example, if we feel unhappy, every negative event will reinforce such an attitude, stimulating the familiar emotions of fear and pain associated with our inner feeling of unhappiness.
Even when something positive happens to us, we will remain suspicious and vigilant, not fully trusting the course of events, while subconsciously preparing ourselves for something negative that will further solidify our stance. This is precisely how we create the external world with our thoughts, which is why it is crucial to perceive the world through the prism of our own thoughts.
Conversely, if we feel good internally about ourselves and what we do, and if the people in our environment are supportive, every event will align with those thoughts, confirming our creative power in relation to life. Of course, negative things will still happen to us, but it is not about what happens to us but rather how we treat it. In each of the mentioned attitudes, we can either reject or enhance our internal creative power, thereby becoming creators of our own realities and completely reshaping our personalities, which may have little in common with the circumstances in which we were raised.
That is why the first quote is personally significant to me, as I consider nurturing our internal fire as our strength to be the primary obligation towards life. Only then do I begin to align external circumstances that will reinforce this aspect of my being. It is not in our nature, as Ayn Rand wrote, to oppose life and give up anything that brings us happiness. Our internal fire is our fundamental and profound creative force with unlimited potential. We just need to learn how to consciously utilize it with respect for what burns within us.
The second quote also appears in Ayn Rand's book "Atlas Shrugged," but it is attributed to Friedrich Nietzsche. The concept of the Noble Soul indicates that a certain element of our existence in the world is always within us. We cannot acquire or lose it, but we can consciously renounce it by not building our reality based on our inner voice. The noble soul does not seek confirmation for its actions; it creates the circumstances that bring confirmation. It is our kind of unwavering inner belief in ourselves that accompanies us throughout our lives. I do not want to provide specific examples of individuals in human history who could be juxtaposed with the concept of the Noble Soul. Instead, I would like to focus on my subjective perception of this phenomenon based on my own experience and highlight certain attitudes that help me in this regard.
Since I was young, I have been a child who didn't want to go with the mainstream flow and strongly expressed my opinions, often attracting criticism. Such an attitude required unwavering self-belief as well as a overriding certainty that what I was doing served my goals and inner principles. On the other hand, I often faced criticism, which I did not disregard but rather tried to extract what was constructive and differentiate it from the personal biases of the person criticizing me. The duality of these issues is quite broad because not always when we act based on our inner belief, the world responds in the same way. It is in these moments of hesitation that we are put to the test of how strongly we believe in what we do and who we are.
For me, the concept of the Noble Soul embodies this irresistible internal certainty of action, even when external circumstances do not currently confirm it. That is why it is essential to nurture and consciously nourish our internal world with appropriate thoughts, emotions, people, and the power of creation that will guide us based on our inner voice. Then, external circumstances become mere background from which we extract the necessary lessons to move forward, lessons that can be beautiful and sublime, as well as painful and emotionally draining. Regardless, in my conviction, I consider it a fundamental obligation to maintain an attitude that protects and ignites my internal fire, serving me in achieving what I desire on my own terms and according to my individual idea of life.
Much has happened over the past few months from the inception of this website to the moment of publishing this text. I have visited several amazing places on this planet and have learned a great deal from situations that initially seemed like financial or emotional failures. I am immensely grateful that through all these twists and turns, I was able to put my thinking to the test and critically evaluate my own actions, which sometimes yielded results opposite to what I intended. Well, we don't always receive what we want in the exact form we subconsciously prepare for.
To certain individuals, I can only express gratitude for being in my life and providing lessons that
I couldn't have gone through on my own, while also showing me that they can disappear without a word. This taught me not to attach myself to the words spoken by others because they may not believe in their own words. Others who have been part of my reality over the past years have permanently changed my thinking about myself and my perception of the world, resulting in an elevation of my own faith in what life can bring if we make room for it.
I want to thank each and every one individually, as well as all of you good people who may not even realize the lessons you have brought to my life and how you have influenced who I am.
Every kilometer traveled together, every minute of shared conversation, every moment that brought a smile or created sadness had to happen for me to simply thank you from this place. I know that anyone who reads this will see whether it is directed at them. So, from this place, a heartfelt thank you for allowing me to experience you and for the fact that one day I will do it again, creating a new unpredictable reality in which I feel great.
What has changed then? I have changed, my perception of the world and being a man in the same world has changed. I started to listen more to my surroundings, and I see how much more I need to learn in order to see and feel more. I have become more sensitive and understanding, both towards others and towards myself. May the message of this text be with me for the years to come, and with you, dear reader, if you see value in it. I am not seeking validation; I am only seeking more opportunities for creation and change in the ever-changing background, so that I can understand myself much more broadly than through the lens of my profession or upbringing. That is my intention, and may such events occur so that in the future, I can share with you even more openly what is happening and how I see it.
Thank you, reader, if you have reached this point, it means a lot to me. Thank you for the few moments of attention dedicated to what I wanted to share. These past 400 days have been a constellation of joy, sadness, learning, crying, smiling, difficult conversations, and facing the truth about myself.
But I wouldn't trade any of those moments for anything else because each of those moments helped me nurture and understand my inner fire that guides me through the unknown.
You know, I'm writing this paragraph to you, you know how important you are in my life and how deeply you have influenced who I am becoming. Let this be my internal manifesto of gratitude for your greatness. Thank you for the opportunity to learn about the world in your company, as well as for the chance to jointly explore our demons and behaviors that have never served us and will no longer serve us.
We have done tremendous work, and the most valuable aspect of it all is that we have taken responsibility for what we do and found answers to why we do it. So I raise a toast to us, regardless of the geographical distance that separates us. The fact that our paths crossed under such circumstances and brought forth these events can be called a miracle. Thank you.
I was wondering how to enhance this text, and I came up with the idea of using AI, specifically DALL-E 2, to create images that align with the themes I discussed. Whether it turned out well or not, judge for yourselves. Personally, I have mixed feelings about it, but I've only just begun to explore this technology and have fun with it ;)
